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From a Research Checklist to Dramaturgy: Reflexivity of Being a Researcher and a Nobody in the Field

Michelle Bedeker*

Researching the field can be messy and fraught with tension, especially for novice researchers. This paper draws on reflexivity to illustrate how the field resulted in impression management when my body encountered the lived experiences of participants. Surprisingly, this field encounter shaped my body into "becoming" rather than merely "being" a researcher. I drew on verbatim field notes, to retrospectively unpack my field experience and how it impacted my identity and body. I show how reflexivity was not simply "research wallowing" but offered a third space for me to objectify my body and field experiences. This sense-making space has shifted my understanding of research as a formulaic or procedural checklist towards viewing it as a craft and theatre production. As a result, this paper highlights how my "body" was entangled, often causing moments of complication but also deep understanding when I was front stage (in the field) and backstage (when I left the field).